Month: July 2021

Chris G’s Best Yelp Reviews: Museum of Death – 3/5 Stars

Chris G’s Best Yelp Reviews: Museum of Death – 3/5 Stars

Museum Of Death – CLOSED
Museums
6031 Hollywood Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90028

About 24,999 out of 25,000 people who currently die are not murdered so this Museum of Death is not for them!

To the one, I am glad that there are no actual dead bodies here. Just a lot of blood, hair, letters, and -pictures- of dead bodies from the 20th (and some 19th) century. Old gore. I came here on my birthday. I live down the street from it and was curious to see it for the sake of passing it by hundreds of times. I got someone to buy me a ticket as a birthday present and we went. They are located across the street from a busy hostel and the clientele is not much different than that – younger people who are on a day trip to Hollywood. It fills up with a bunch of smelly midwesterners, European midwesterners, and a hispanic mom with her baby in a stroller. Surprisingly, this place held a lot of people at 2pm on a weekday. Agoraphobics and claustrophobics – watch out. The inside of this place is built like a narrow maze that is cluttered and stuffy. If there was a fire, there would be many deaths in The Museum of Death! And the thought of this place as a potential fire hazard freaked me out as much as the graphic stuff.

The presentation of this place offers no focused direction. You can sufficiently see everything within an hour and they offer at least something from almost all of the famous murders in American history. The first thing I thought upon entering the serial killer drawing room was that it smelled musty. Many of the things here are kind of aged and yellowed and appear as if they would probably be difficult to remove off the wall that they are stuck on. Everything in here is at least 15 or 20 years old. Actually – to come to think of it – nothing in here really dates past 2000. Everything dates from the late Victorian era (coffins/embalming/specimens) to black-and-white era murder photos (like the Black Dahlia) to the 1980s and 1990s ‘contemporary’ murders, blurry point-and-shoot glossy photographs of dead mullet-heads. There were also late 20th century drawings from serial killers. The most vivid to me was the newest stuff – watching a video of a guy’s jaw getting blown off from an execution-style shooting I think in Iran in the 1990s. I believe the owner of this place probably lost his passion for collecting this stuff at some point 15 years ago or was in jail for dabbling in the murder paraphernalia black market. The owner had to flee San Diego and take his museum goodies to Hollywood after getting in trouble for acquiring a set of bunk beds from the Heaven’s Gate cult murders.

This place can not only use more updating, like bloody bullet-holed textbooks from Columbine High School or Luka Magnotta’s one-way ticket to Berlin, for example, but it needs more ventilation and a lot more cleaning. We went in at the same time when some guy with A LOT of cologne came in. Something about looking at bones, hair, and drawings from serial killers in a narrow, winding, and unventilated room while smelling this guy’s heavy cologne made me feel nauseous. Something dreadful is in the air and it isn’t bad juju – it is stench and it collects.

Useful:Funny:Cool: 3

5/9/2016

Posted by Chris Girard in Yelp
Chris G’s Best Yelp Reviews: fōnuts – 4/5 Stars (Formerly 2/5 Stars)

Chris G’s Best Yelp Reviews: fōnuts – 4/5 Stars (Formerly 2/5 Stars)

fōnuts – Los Angeles
$$ Donuts, Gluten-Free, Vegan
8104 W 3rd St
Los Angeles, CA 90048

Updated review

I’ve been coming here more often – twice since the two-star – because the basic vanilla vegan donut is incredibly good and fresher! I forget what I had that first time, but I believe it was BLUE. As a rule of thumb, I am staying away from being adventurous with donuts because I get seriously autistic about donuts tasting like things that I don’t expect them to be. It freaks me out.

Their cold brew is also deliciously floral coffee from Lame-ill. The cafe is very empty, but I like it empty.

The barista/managerista is nice.

Useful:Funny:Cool: 3

11/7/2015

 

Previous review

(Puts fōnut in mouth.)

Hmmm… hmmm… mmm? AAAGH! STALE, stale, stale, crumbly, dry tongue is unhappy, tongue is unhappy… (pressing lips against tongue to get donut crumbs off of it.)

That was basically my reaction and then the spitting of the donut along the gutters between the sidewalk and 3rd since there wasn’t a garbage can in front. Expensive, AWFUL vegan/gluten-free donut place. I partially knew I was gonna be let down when I came into the gray vacant hole of this space and there were only like ten donuts to choose from.

Probably modeled after the same clowns who run Baby Cakes on Larchmont. At least I know I won’t be getting hives, nausea, or a stuffy nose from these $4 wheatless O’s. Why can’t LA be more like Portland with regards to vegan/gluten-free donuts?

Useful:Funny:Cool: 2

8/9/2015

Posted by Chris Girard in Yelp
Chris G’s Best Yelp Reviews: MySpace – 3/5 Stars

Chris G’s Best Yelp Reviews: MySpace – 3/5 Stars

MySpace
121 2nd Street
San Francisco, CA 94105

The year 2003 was the year of the internet. Half the people in the Web 2.0 digital world didn’t own their own digital camera yet and relied on scanned prints or webcam images of themselves to represent their avatars. The cool people had their own two or three megapixel cameras. It began as the year of Friendster and ended as the year of MySpace.

MySpace wouldn’t have become MySpace if the stupid Friendster servers didn’t stop working in the middle of summer 2003. You got all the bored teenagers addicted to Web 2.0 like crack and then you take it away from them by not investing in more efficient servers. Bad bad Friendster. On top of that, a rumor spread that you considered charging users to contact people. Bad bad bad Friendster!

So after the Friendster exodus occurred around Summer 2003, MySpace became as popular as Yelp is today. It was comfortably popular. Rockstars in Los Angeles who currently own hundreds of thousands of friends on their MySpace page owned a mere few hundred and that was a high number compared to Friendster. Friendster limited the number of friends you can add and MySpace was no-holds-barred.

On top of that, MySpace was in general A LOT better than Friendster. The servers weren’t slow. There was a blog, a message board, and the ability to edit your own html on your page. You carried more confidence that the website wouldn’t abruptly fail when you were writing your friend a long message so communication between friends was a lot better. The teenagers who were addicted to the internet went fanatical over the new website. I was 20-years-old and the website was fun and pretentious. Pretentiousness that wasn’t profitable.

Let’s jump five years later. All the teenagers are in their early to mid-20s now. They’ve become slightly wrinkled around the eyes and fatter. Pretentiousness became profitable. Bands and miscellaneous groups that are dependent on the website for promotion are almost as prevalent as the number of people that are actually on the website. The website is a large gentrified digital mall now. It’s lost its edge.

A few days ago, I was offered money to give up my MySpace handle to a hip-hop artist. Do you want to know what I said? I said I’m interested. If I can cash in from what MySpace has become today, I say this is a catalyst to buck Yahoo 2.0. I’m under surveillance when I click on each page and I imagine five vulture companies that separately advertise “VEGAN GOODS CLICK HERE” or something else based on my interests (in other words, MySpace allows advertisers to record my information to profit off me) are making a moneybag.

Besides the dynamics of the website, I can’t rant about the people on here because they represent the normal demographic of the US population. I did get contacted by my biological mother. Problem was, I already have one.

Useful:Funny:Cool: 7

6/3/2008

Posted by Chris Girard in Yelp
Chris G’s Best Yelp Reviews: City Lights Booksellers & Publishers – 5/5 Stars

Chris G’s Best Yelp Reviews: City Lights Booksellers & Publishers – 5/5 Stars

City Lights Booksellers & Publishers
$$ Bookstores
261 Columbus Ave
San Francisco, CA 94133

Lawrence Ferlinghetti:

I was surprised when your friends helped you stand up to the podium in discomfort after being huddled and rolled in a wheelchair. You could have been ailing when you relied on the wooden podium to keep you standing with your elbows but you continued on and on and on in mustered strength and paused in short intervals to catch your breath.

Your face seemed naked in retrospect. Then you put your thick red glasses on and began to read in a low voice that echoed the room in silence, attentive silence. You know, the silence that comes with concentration like focus, deep deep focus on a maverick in his blazer and jeans. His hairline below his ears with a full white beard. His hair bushier in front than in back. I still couldn’t hear you.

Your audience was a loyal audience and represented your audience; the two generations after yours. Younger old people who read more than A Coney Island of the Mind. Youth from the 50s and 60s; the ones who didn’t die from drug overdoses and who stayed in college and years later looked like typical university senior faculty members. It looked like an academic conference, only larger and as intimidating. Men and women with glasses from too much reading. Men with pressed blazers with and women with dyed reddish hair in slacks and shoes with thick heels.

I was 21-years-old on when I saw you read. I turned 21 one day before you turned 85. I photographed you. I photographed you being photographed. Now you’re almost 90.

You, your bookstore, the Beats are entrenched within a historical period but that second floor room with poetry readings is a continuing homage to get writing out there. That’s at least what your bookstore has taught me. The shelves upon shelves of stories about the Beats outnumber the stories by the Beats; and numerous editions of Ginsburg’s Howl in a way that commemorates yourself is like a distinct museum exhibition from a time and place and who which re-reminds myself you are a museum now by means of historical landmark status.

That’s as definitive and respectable to what a bookstore can aim to achieve and it’s reached sort of a peculiar status with yours.

Published poetry may have always been obscure and yet not seemingly dead. Where do the poets exist if distributers and shelve spaces are dwindling? That’s what I ask myself. There are places and you must know where to look because lots of writers solely abide to print. You know where the new books go and what’s on the table or what’s next to your feet. The empty seats upstairs are uncomfortable and they’re there to familiarize. “Sit down and read a book” is intuitively given.

What can be taught when my sister found a $100 bill on the gutter near the Jack Kerouac alleyway? Simply that enriching things come to people who look for it.

Thank you.

Useful:Funny:Cool: 8

6/30/2008

Posted by Chris Girard in Yelp
Chris G’s Best Yelp Reviews: Alta Coffee – 3/5 Stars

Chris G’s Best Yelp Reviews: Alta Coffee – 3/5 Stars

Alta Coffee
$ Coffee & Tea, Breakfast & Brunch
506 31st St
Newport Beach, CA 92663

The two baristas at Alta were the dichotomy to an ancient Greek Tragedy and Comedy the night I went. It was the tale of two baristas. The guy with a beard and tattoos was so jovial while the guy with a cast on his hand was so jaded that both were in stark contrast to each other.

While I preferred jovial with tattoos, jaded I was sympathetic to. Jovial was so helpful, he gave me three alternative routes to getting out of the peninsula if I was to get lost and somehow miss the very obvious bridge.

Jaded was so miserable, I purposely took an extra second to get my money out a little longer to watch him get increasingly irritated. He was so moody while he was making the drinks, it was funny to watch his uninhibited emotions and curt responses to the demanding atmosphere around him. Hey, it’s tough to steam drinks with a cast and it’s impossible to do much else like swim, hold beer, jack off and use TiVo with your left hand. There are probably too many lonely nights with his five huskies at his parents’ mansion off Newport Coast. Cheer up, sad one.

Alta is okay. I give the gimp unfriendly guy credit for sufficiently warming the soy chai. (No foam but I didn’t expect any.) The lack of reliable wifi and power outlets was somewhat of a disillusion. It seems like more of an enjoyable place to come during the day than at night.

Useful:Funny: 10  Cool: 5

3/24/2008

Posted by Chris Girard in Yelp
My Best Yelp Reviews: Café Tropical – 4/5 Stars

My Best Yelp Reviews: Café Tropical – 4/5 Stars

Café Tropical
Cafes, Sandwiches, Cuban
2900 W Sunset Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90026

Are you a Mexican taqueria?

No. Five down and four to go, Miss Francis?

Can I assume that you are not a coffeehouse?

No. Six down and three to go, Mr. Cerf?

Are you a Starbucks?

No. Seven down, two to go. Mr. Block?

Well do you serve waffles?!

[Audience laughs.] That makes it one to go, Miss Kilgallen?

Could you be a ‘tropical cafe’?

[Audience clapping.]

Cafe Tropical is the 1950s Hawaiian Garden that never dried up, but Cuban. It’s kind of old and kind of tropical, mostly due to the Cuban pesos that are taped to the front counter next to their register. It’s one of three Cuban places I can recall in Silver Lake, and one of the two that have not been destroyed by hurricane gentrification.

If you want sweet bakery things, then this place is for you fatty. I have no comment on the sweets but it’s got a very strong, delicious and inexpensive espresso. It’s got a lot of tables. It’s reluctantly got wifi, but the place wasn’t made for computer surfing as there are only incidental outlets that computer surfers plug up at next to the kitchen area.

Finally, there is a lot of dedication that they spend to their potted trees; they spend quite a bit of time carrying them outside when they open and back inside when they close. They look heavy! I remember having a conversation with a friend of mine while this guy is moving these tall potted trees. He was talking to me while I saw these large trees hovering behind his head as they were carried from one side of the cafe to the other. I was touched by the dedication that they have to set up and closing the outside. Even though this cafe looks its age and most people would probably not even take a second glance at the potted trees adorning this place outside, I do.

Useful:Funny:Cool: 1

7/7/2014

Posted by Chris Girard in Yelp
Chris G’s Best Yelp Reviews: Du-Par’s Restaurant and Bakery – 2/5 Stars

Chris G’s Best Yelp Reviews: Du-Par’s Restaurant and Bakery – 2/5 Stars

Du-Pars Restaurant and Bakery – CLOSED
Bakeries, American (Traditional), Breakfast & Brunch
12036 Ventura Blvd
Studio City, CA 91604

It was important that my friend take me here because “David Lynch was once here writing Twin Peaks” and at the same time I come here having irreverent flashbacks of the same era. The amazingly awful gold chandeliers, carpet, and brown furniture hit me with memories of growing up and eating at a diner in Morris County, New Jersey circa 1990. I was 7 years old and eating a tiny bowl of macaroni and cheese in red glasses and an ugly sweater with a turtleneck underneath. All of my relatives who later died of cancers and dementias were not decrepit-looking yet and eating varying forms of diner meat with opaque gravies and cream sauces.

There is nothing I would eat here anymore, so I had coffee and watched my friend enjoy his chicken noodle soup and boysenberry pie. I would have been fine with just drinking a good, strong coffee from a lipstick-smudged and scratched-up mug the waiter had given me, had the lipstick smudge been just on the outer brim on one side. Nope. The pink lipstick was actually way more apparent on the underside of the mug, upstaged by heavy scratches all along the other side of the mug. (See picture.) Perhaps a waitress was having a bad day in the break-room, but how and why did I get her dirty, scratched-up break-room mug when everyone else near us had clean, different shaped, and brand new mugs? I can see how David Lynch found inspiration for a murder mystery here.

Too bad the coffee was good, or else this lipstick-smudged scratched-up mug would have seen a stale muddy brew go to waste.

Useful:Funny:Cool: 5

1/10/2015

 

Posted by Chris Girard in Yelp

Nine Ninety-Nine Only Store: Free Artisan Wallpaper

The NINE NINETY-NINE ONLY STORE offers downloadable high-resolution photography for $9.99 free. Download free high-quality photos for wallpaper or prints!

The “$9.99 Only Store” came from a funny realization when I was looking for food one day. The prices at a religious and health foods market in Los Angeles called Lassen’s Market. All of the food, big and small was $9.99! I am watching prices rise and rise at the 99¢ Only Store and it is soon going to be a $9.99 Only Store as well.

I began this store as a store, but very few people buy art anymore and I was exhausted by the constant finicky behavior of WooCommerce. So now here we have local/global artisan free wallpaper, high-quality images, for desktops or for printing.

Laguna Beach Shoreline

Laguna Beach Shoreline, Free Wallpaper

Chris Girard, Laguna Beach Shoreline, 2008, Photograph

A quick capture from a flashbulb blends the impressions of moving wind and sea from two seconds’ worth of an open shutter. The still frame records subtle lights from palpitating waves along this Laguna Beach shoreline. The scene is blurry yet in focus. It offers muted golden lights dancing at the base of the sand. These lights look as if water intermingles with tides at the bottom of the ocean floor.

The capture offers physical proximity, time, and place attached to it. The photograph was taken at midnight in Spring 2009 at Thalia Street Beach near the center part of this South Orange County town. Laguna Beach is an artistic destination that for some has never been a destination but home. I went to high school at neighboring Dana Hills High School and I worked at Fingerhut Gallery with a few of the Growlers on Forest Avenue and Pacific Coast Highway before it imploded.

Laguna Beach Shoreline can be printed beautifully on paper or used as high-quality wallpaper for a desktop.


Download Gold Waves at http://chrisgirard.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/girard_-_13_-_8x10rgb-1.jpg.


$9.99ONLY$9.99ONLY$9.99ONLY
Running Hill

Running Hill, Free Wallpaper

Chris Girard, Running Hill, 2011, Photograph

The specter of some lost party runs atop a looming hill before the sun low in the sky completely sets. Below the dusky horizon, fractured light creates a myriad of colorful pulses which complement the sad colors of the early evening. The action of running is the centerpiece of the photo overlay which captures a set of black and white figures stark in motion. At the pinnacle of the dark hill, cool tones of blue, green, and purple almost bleed underneath the swollen charcoal sky. Running Hill can be printed beautifully on paper or as high-quality wallpaper for a computer desktop.


Download Gold Waves at http://chrisgirard.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/girard_-_07_-_8x10rgb.jpg.


$9.99ONLY$9.99ONLY$9.99ONLY
Gold Waves

Gold Waves, Free Wallpaper

Chris Girard, Gold Waves, 2005, Photograph

Elements of warmth and whimsy illuminate this conceptual twist on a modernist composition. Despite the contemporary style of Gold Waves, the imagery retains a fanciful, even fairy tale, quality. Conceivably, the rippling tide of golden currents unfurls like the hair from Rapunzel’s tower. Or peradventure, Rumpelstiltskin has spun a mountain of straw into gold thread.

Materially, the photograph captures the motion of a fan beating inside its encasement. Repeating in a pattern like a flowing current, the blades seem to vibrate, rather than spin, within the cage. Gold Waves can be printed beautifully on paper or as high-quality wallpaper for a computer desktop.


Download Gold Waves at http://chrisgirard.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/girard_-_02_-_8x10rgb.jpg.


$9.99ONLY$9.99ONLY$9.99ONLY
Ice Fog

Ice Fog, Free Wallpaper

Chris Girard, Ice Fog, 2012, Photograph

Life on this moon may not be found on the surface but in the sky. The burst of cool blue light glows in ice fog as if it holds an energy source of its own. The midnight star brightens small bits of icy frost permeating a barren skyscape defined by the pathos of a vanished civilization. The atmosphere surrounding the noon moon sun is on a distant planet that makes hopeful space cadets wish for water. Ice Fog can be printed beautifully on paper or used as wallpaper for a computer desktop.


Download Ice Fog at http://chrisgirard.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/girard_-_22_-_8x10rgb.jpg.


$9.99ONLY$9.99ONLY$9.99ONLY
Shampoo

Shampoo, Free Wallpaper

Chris Girard, Shampoo, 2004

Instant recognition of bright, showy colors propels the viewer into a voyeuristic tour of consumer culture. In Shampoo, a telephoto lens extracts an image of misty, warm-colored shapes. They are seemingly lifted from the personal hygiene aisle of a grocery store. This trio of visually vague, but subconsciously unmistakable, commercial products fades into a pop art fog, transforming the banal into the exotic. The line-up of plastic bottles features gradients of minimalist shapes and contours of mass-produced goods and can be printed beautifully on paper or as high-quality wallpaper for a desktop.


Download Shampoo at http://chrisgirard.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/girard_-_19_-_8x10rgb.jpg.


$9.99ONLY$9.99ONLY$9.99ONLY
Tectonic Trees

Tectonic Trees, Free Wallpaper

Chris Girard, Tectonic Trees, 2012, Photograph

Long, slender tree branches reach up from the sunny cliffs of Los Angeles’ Griffith Park. The puzzle-like design they create resembles both a geological map of tectonic plates and the municipal grid pattern of the underlying city. Further up the limbs, a winding set of wooden fingers stretches toward a twinkling periwinkle sky, while a vibrant spray of African lilies dances in the cool, soothing breeze. A luminescent image overlay engenders an airy quality to the trees. They seem to stand closer to the sun than to the earth below. Tectonic Trees can be printed beautifully on paper or used as high-quality wallpaper for a computer desktop.

VOTE4ART

Spectrum Miami and Red Dot Miami featured Tectonic Trees during world-famous Art Basel in Miami, Florida. Artbox.Projects, which exhibited the artwork at its booth, features many artworks by artists from all over the world. This Swiss-based group launched a mobile voting platform for artwork called VOTE4ART at their booth during these events. Thousands of spectators at the event as well as many more mobile VOTE4ART users voted Tectonic Trees as winner.


Download Explorers at http://chrisgirard.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/girard_-_09_-_8x10rgb.jpg.


$9.99ONLY$9.99ONLY$9.99ONLY
Explorers

Explorers, Free Wallpaper

Chris Girard, Explorers, 2011, Photograph

A mid-century mystery man looms in the background of this noir-inspired image. Explorers melds the cool undertones of Griffith Park with the warm under-glow of Los Angeles. The city’s landscape acts like its underlying tectonic plates; while the still, natural landscape of Griffith Park rests high above, the rapid, immediate movement of city life traverses below. The soft, wavy, brushstroke-like quality reflects the style of 19th-century British romantic landscape painter J. M. W. Turner. Explorers can be printed beautifully on paper or as high-quality wallpaper for a computer desktop.


Download Explorers at http://chrisgirard.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/girard_-_15_-_8x10rgb.jpg.


$9.99ONLY$9.99ONLY$9.99ONLY
Filament Light

Filament Light, Free Wallpaper

Chris Girard, Filament Light, 2005, Photograph

A spark of Filament glimmers and grows swaddled in a membrane of light, protected by its hard but fragile shell. Like paint on canvas, light on paper is the photographer’s brushstroke. Filament reveals the genesis of its luminescence and thus the palette of photographic expression. Filament Light can be printed beautifully on paper or as high-quality wallpaper for a desktop.


Download Filament Light (2480 x 1984 pixels) at http://chrisgirard.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/girard_-_06_-_8x10rgb.jpg.


$9.99ONLY$9.99ONLY$9.99ONLY
Infinite Movement (Umbrella)

Infinite Movement (Umbrella), Free Wallpaper

Chris Girard, Infinite Movement (Umbrella), 2003

Electricity, a cornerstone of modernity, inspires the concept of infinite movement in a twisting umbrella. Both mechanical structure and ghost-like shadows weave realism and abstraction together. This also establishes a notion of duration in the image. The rendition of a moving gear looks like an electric current. And the clockwise flow perpetuates the belief that there is no stopping the machine.

What can be considered a photograph taken a century after the height of a modernist movement over a century ago is not so old. Both time and motion conjure the energy behind a ticking clock that accelerates the pace of life and can also liberate stillness. Innovation, the radical departure from the universal beliefs that had preceded in the past, is such an iconoclasm.

Infinite Movement (Umbrella) can be printed beautifully on paper or as high-quality wallpaper.


Download Infinite Movement (Umbrella)
at http://chrisgirard.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/girard_-_03_-_8x10rgb.jpg.


$9.99ONLY$9.99ONLY$9.99ONLY
Posted by Chris Girard in Photo, Projects
Laguna Beach Shoreline, Free Wallpaper

Laguna Beach Shoreline, Free Wallpaper

Chris Girard, Laguna Beach Shoreline, 2008, Photograph

A quick capture from a flashbulb blends the impressions of moving wind and sea from two seconds’ worth of an open shutter. The still frame records subtle lights from palpitating waves along this Laguna Beach shoreline. The scene is blurry yet in focus. It offers muted golden lights dancing at the base of the sand. These lights look as if water intermingles with tides at the bottom of the ocean floor.

The capture offers physical proximity, time, and place attached to it. The photograph was taken at midnight in Spring 2009 at Thalia Street Beach near the center part of this South Orange County town. Laguna Beach is an artistic destination that for some has never been a destination but home. I went to high school at neighboring Dana Hills High School and I worked at Fingerhut Gallery with a few of the Growlers on Forest Avenue and Pacific Coast Highway before it imploded.

Laguna Beach Shoreline can be printed beautifully on paper or used as high-quality wallpaper for a desktop.


Download Gold Waves at http://chrisgirard.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/girard_-_13_-_8x10rgb-1.jpg.


$9.99ONLY$9.99ONLY$9.99ONLY
Posted by Chris Girard in Free Wallpaper
Running Hill, Free Wallpaper

Running Hill, Free Wallpaper

Chris Girard, Running Hill, 2011, Photograph

The specter of some lost party runs atop a looming hill before the sun low in the sky completely sets. Below the dusky horizon, fractured light creates a myriad of colorful pulses which complement the sad colors of the early evening. The action of running is the centerpiece of the photo overlay which captures a set of black and white figures stark in motion. At the pinnacle of the dark hill, cool tones of blue, green, and purple almost bleed underneath the swollen charcoal sky. Running Hill can be printed beautifully on paper or as high-quality wallpaper for a computer desktop.


Download Gold Waves at http://chrisgirard.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/girard_-_07_-_8x10rgb.jpg.


$9.99ONLY$9.99ONLY$9.99ONLY
Posted by Chris Girard in Free Wallpaper
Gold Waves, Free Wallpaper

Gold Waves, Free Wallpaper

Chris Girard, Gold Waves, 2005, Photograph

Elements of warmth and whimsy illuminate this conceptual twist on a modernist composition. Despite the contemporary style of Gold Waves, the imagery retains a fanciful, even fairy tale, quality. Conceivably, the rippling tide of golden currents unfurls like the hair from Rapunzel’s tower. Or peradventure, Rumpelstiltskin has spun a mountain of straw into gold thread.

Materially, the photograph captures the motion of a fan beating inside its encasement. Repeating in a pattern like a flowing current, the blades seem to vibrate, rather than spin, within the cage. Gold Waves can be printed beautifully on paper or as high-quality wallpaper for a computer desktop.


Download Gold Waves at http://chrisgirard.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/girard_-_02_-_8x10rgb.jpg.


$9.99ONLY$9.99ONLY$9.99ONLY
Posted by Chris Girard in Free Wallpaper
Ice Fog, Free Wallpaper

Ice Fog, Free Wallpaper

Chris Girard, Ice Fog, 2012, Photograph

Life on this moon may not be found on the surface but in the sky. The burst of cool blue light glows in ice fog as if it holds an energy source of its own. The midnight star brightens small bits of icy frost permeating a barren skyscape defined by the pathos of a vanished civilization. The atmosphere surrounding the noon moon sun is on a distant planet that makes hopeful space cadets wish for water. Ice Fog can be printed beautifully on paper or used as wallpaper for a computer desktop.


Download Ice Fog at http://chrisgirard.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/girard_-_22_-_8x10rgb.jpg.


$9.99ONLY$9.99ONLY$9.99ONLY
Posted by Chris Girard in Free Wallpaper
Shampoo, Free Wallpaper

Shampoo, Free Wallpaper

Chris Girard, Shampoo, 2004

Instant recognition of bright, showy colors propels the viewer into a voyeuristic tour of consumer culture. In Shampoo, a telephoto lens extracts an image of misty, warm-colored shapes. They are seemingly lifted from the personal hygiene aisle of a grocery store. This trio of visually vague, but subconsciously unmistakable, commercial products fades into a pop art fog, transforming the banal into the exotic. The line-up of plastic bottles features gradients of minimalist shapes and contours of mass-produced goods and can be printed beautifully on paper or as high-quality wallpaper for a desktop.


Download Shampoo at http://chrisgirard.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/girard_-_19_-_8x10rgb.jpg.


$9.99ONLY$9.99ONLY$9.99ONLY
Posted by Chris Girard in Free Wallpaper
Tectonic Trees, Free Wallpaper

Tectonic Trees, Free Wallpaper

Chris Girard, Tectonic Trees, 2012, Photograph

Long, slender tree branches reach up from the sunny cliffs of Los Angeles’ Griffith Park. The puzzle-like design they create resembles both a geological map of tectonic plates and the municipal grid pattern of the underlying city. Further up the limbs, a winding set of wooden fingers stretches toward a twinkling periwinkle sky, while a vibrant spray of African lilies dances in the cool, soothing breeze. A luminescent image overlay engenders an airy quality to the trees. They seem to stand closer to the sun than to the earth below. Tectonic Trees can be printed beautifully on paper or used as high-quality wallpaper for a computer desktop.

VOTE4ART

Spectrum Miami and Red Dot Miami featured Tectonic Trees during world-famous Art Basel in Miami, Florida. Artbox.Projects, which exhibited the artwork at its booth, features many artworks by artists from all over the world. This Swiss-based group launched a mobile voting platform for artwork called VOTE4ART at their booth during these events. Thousands of spectators at the event as well as many more mobile VOTE4ART users voted Tectonic Trees as winner.


Download Explorers at http://chrisgirard.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/girard_-_09_-_8x10rgb.jpg.


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Posted by Chris Girard in Free Wallpaper
Explorers, Free Wallpaper

Explorers, Free Wallpaper

Chris Girard, Explorers, 2011, Photograph

A mid-century mystery man looms in the background of this noir-inspired image. Explorers melds the cool undertones of Griffith Park with the warm under-glow of Los Angeles. The city’s landscape acts like its underlying tectonic plates; while the still, natural landscape of Griffith Park rests high above, the rapid, immediate movement of city life traverses below. The soft, wavy, brushstroke-like quality reflects the style of 19th-century British romantic landscape painter J. M. W. Turner. Explorers can be printed beautifully on paper or as high-quality wallpaper for a computer desktop.


Download Explorers at http://chrisgirard.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/girard_-_15_-_8x10rgb.jpg.


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Posted by Chris Girard in Free Wallpaper
Filament Light, Free Wallpaper

Filament Light, Free Wallpaper

Chris Girard, Filament Light, 2005, Photograph

A spark of Filament glimmers and grows swaddled in a membrane of light, protected by its hard but fragile shell. Like paint on canvas, light on paper is the photographer’s brushstroke. Filament reveals the genesis of its luminescence and thus the palette of photographic expression. Filament Light can be printed beautifully on paper or as high-quality wallpaper for a desktop.


Download Filament Light (2480 x 1984 pixels) at http://chrisgirard.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/girard_-_06_-_8x10rgb.jpg.


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Posted by Chris Girard in Free Wallpaper
Infinite Movement (Umbrella), Free Wallpaper

Infinite Movement (Umbrella), Free Wallpaper

Chris Girard, Infinite Movement (Umbrella), 2003

Electricity, a cornerstone of modernity, inspires the concept of infinite movement in a twisting umbrella. Both mechanical structure and ghost-like shadows weave realism and abstraction together. This also establishes a notion of duration in the image. The rendition of a moving gear looks like an electric current. And the clockwise flow perpetuates the belief that there is no stopping the machine.

What can be considered a photograph taken a century after the height of a modernist movement over a century ago is not so old. Both time and motion conjure the energy behind a ticking clock that accelerates the pace of life and can also liberate stillness. Innovation, the radical departure from the universal beliefs that had preceded in the past, is such an iconoclasm.

Infinite Movement (Umbrella) can be printed beautifully on paper or as high-quality wallpaper.


Download Infinite Movement (Umbrella)
at http://chrisgirard.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/girard_-_03_-_8x10rgb.jpg.


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Posted by Chris Girard in Free Wallpaper
Chris G’s Best Yelp Reviews: Hostelling International – 4/5 Stars

Chris G’s Best Yelp Reviews: Hostelling International – 4/5 Stars

Hostelling International
Hostels
1436 2nd St
Santa Monica, CA 90401

I hate getting to know people. It’s always cliche. Australians – in the 30+ hostels I’ve stayed at, I always meet Australians. They love living in hostels. They’re always bisexual because their continent is boring. I had sex with one in the bottom bunk bed once. And then in a shower. It was really small. A lot of them are bi.

I’ve stayed here enough times to warrant a solid review. Couches are on every floor. The en-suite bathroom is not as great as the outdoor one, which means save the five extra dollars per night and shower from the bathroom in the hallways. Chances of meeting an Australian there are great.

I’ve also stayed at hosteling internationals in San Francisco and Portland and this is the better of the hostels. It is spacious and clean. I hate feeding the beast because hosteling international sucks for monopolizing all of the hostels in America. But they’ve got good coffee! They’ve also got a good breakfast, which includes canned peaches, good coffee, orange juice, bread or mini-bagels, jam and cereal.

This is a $50/night and over hostel ($38/night base + $9 tax + $3/night non-member fee + $5/night optional upgrade). I think the non-$5/night upgrade also earns your room three or four extra beds. It is expensive as hell for a hostel but it is six minutes walking distance to the Santa Monica Pier. I stay here every time I work in Santa Monica. I use my passport because I probably otherwise wouldn’t be allowed to stay there. The website explicitly states that Los Angeles county residents are not welcome.

Useful:Funny: 11  Cool: 1

10/4/2014

Posted by Chris Girard in Yelp
Chris G’s Best Yelp Reviews: TSA – Transportation Security Administration – 1/5 Stars

Chris G’s Best Yelp Reviews: TSA – Transportation Security Administration – 1/5 Stars

TSA – Transportation Security Administration
Police Departments
5767 W Century Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90045

I came in from Mexico City on Sunday 3/1/15 via Gate 6 at LAX and TSA thought I was a mule. I was put into an additional screening line after some guy asked me what I did for work, and then where I was born. I understand to say that I was pissed off is not a legitimate complaint. I stood in a line with three people and I let the TSA guy know that it’s ridiculous that my passport is basically littered with stamps from several countries and a UK visa; and never have I had to go through an additional screening before.

The guy usurped a power position and said now I’m going to listen to him. He decidely used my bad attitude to lecture me about not knowing me, and ask me question after question about my shady trip to a drug-laden country like Mexico. After looking through my dirty clothes, laptop, pockets, notebook and not finding anything in my bag, he then decided to do a thorough patdown in another room next to the bags. I have flown to over ten different countries and never had a patdown to the extent that I was taken to a private room, told to hold my arms far upward and out against a white wall littered with fingerprints from people that had to do the same thing, told to spread my legs wide enough that they were at 45 degree angles and have the perimeter of my anal wall cuffed with gloved hands. I am unsure if instead of desperately trying to find any drugs but retribution for a bad attitude means they have agency to poke my anus in a prone position.

He then had me take off my shoes, he looked between the credit cards in my wallet, searched my jacket and came up with nothing. Nobody else but me had to be taken to that other room.

What bothers me most is that TSA wrote back about my complaint and basically stated thank you for giving us something to add to our TSA watchlist file of you and that we otherwise do not care. Perhaps this excessive and ‘Gestapo’-like level of treatment is admirable, appropriate and desirable to heavily funded security agencies, but it’s probably going to one day undo itself since nobody is going to want to come here anymore or come back here. It’s a really fucking tempting thought.

Yes I got anal probed at TSA and everyone is either like ‘I hope he was cute’ or (re: Winston K) well I bet they didn’t stick their fingers THAT high. Seriously, I am then so grateful for decency and that my big Mexican drug baggie was high enough to be tucked behind some rectal curves. Asswipes.

Useful:Funny:Cool: 3

3/1/2015

Posted by Chris Girard in Yelp
My Best Yelp Reviews: Eyetailor – 5/5 Stars

My Best Yelp Reviews: Eyetailor – 5/5 Stars

Eyetailor
$$ Eyewear & Opticians
4310 Melrose Ave
Los Angeles, CA 90029

I -never- seek coming to Eyetailor. It looks like any other stylish glasses shop. But they’re particularly amazing because whenever I warp or misplace parts of my glasses or sunglasses, they are always ready to fix it.

This all stared with a pair of Christian Dior aviator sunglasses from like 2007. Remember the big aviator sunglass craze of yesteryear?! Wherever the $400 that went into making a pair of Christian Dior sunglasses at the time, not much of it went into the soldering of hinges or the testing of them. So the faulty hinge mechanism couldn’t hold its weight against the heavy metal sunglasses, and then the metal that held the screw in would begin to warp and break off.

Well any-who, the owner Sung sung wonders into those frames and they held up for a couple of more years and didn’t break again before they went out of style. And many years later, another guy helped me out with un-warping a pair of glasses that got smushed in my bag. The messed up frame around the lens nearly blinded my left eye and gave me headaches. He spent 30 minutes on this issue, even while a couple of other demanding customers kept asking him questions about their glasses in the display case. He fixed my glasses first and then cleaned them before helping someone else out. So for him not leaving me high and dry for a sale, I give an applause.

I cannot speak much for their glasses in the display cases, but they have nicer and more stylish glasses than an optometrist would. All I know is that they helped me throughout the years with chronic and not-so-chronic issues. They charge $10 for every fix and really made something not-so-great so great.

Useful: 10  Funny:Cool: 0

12/28/2017

Posted by Chris Girard in Yelp
Chris G’s Best Yelp Reviews: Greater Los Angeles Area Mensa – 4/5 Stars

Chris G’s Best Yelp Reviews: Greater Los Angeles Area Mensa – 4/5 Stars

Greater Los Angeles Area Mensa
Community Service/Non-Profit
Los Angeles, CA 90001

I biked to Caltech in Pasadena. I paid $40. I took the test. I failed!

The classroom included about twelve or thirteen people from all walks of life, but mostly younger people, followed by trickles of people as old as 80 years old.

The intelligence test includes a section on math, a section on patterns and a section on memory. The key is you have ten minutes to finish 40 questions for each section. The pattern section is like:

{/o} }o|{ {|o} … which comes next?

or:

:-* ~_^ =D :-[ … which is least like the other?

The math section is like:

What is the square root of four divided by three cubed?

The memory section is an audio you listen to at the beginning of the test. Ours was about details of an ancient ritual in Greece. They then ask a question an hour later, which god(s) were they worshiping?

Even though I failed, it was a lot of fun. Upon receiving my results, the admissions person seemed eager to have the failing test taker submit any other proof that he or she can join Mensa, including SAT and GRE scores that she would assess for free. (I believe normally showing proof of other scores in the 98 percentile would be a $40 assessment fee.)

Mensans knows that people use this stuff on their resumes. You can tick this option on their application for why you wish to join. What I learned from not being smart enough is that people are as happy to hear I failed the Mensa test as they would be to hear I got in. It seems to make a good anecdote.

From the looks of a monthly booklet, a Mensan doesn’t collectively use his or her brainpower to save the world, but more to play challenging puzzles with each other during their weekly meetup.

I sadly will not be playing any complicated puzzles.

Useful:Funny:Cool: 2

Posted by Chris Girard in Yelp
Chris G’s Best Yelp Reviews: X-Spot – 4/5 Stars

Chris G’s Best Yelp Reviews: X-Spot – 4/5 Stars

X Spot – CLOSED
Music & DVDs
5507 Hollywood Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90028

X Spot was formally called Le Sex Shoppe and was the poet Charles Bukowski’s porn shop of choice back in the day.

It is sort of the last standing building on Hollywood & Western that pays homage to a bygone era of Hollywood East.

The front is very, very plain. There are no painted bikini ladies anymore. There are no bold advertisements for 25 cent porn movies. In fact, I didn’t really know what was inside here. I have passed this shop by countless times. I kind of presumed it was a gay porn shop now because it looks so secretive.

You can only come inside by being ringed in, which there is no doorbell for. Apparently some people are not allowed in here. Some guy rushed in behind me while the door was opening, as I was entering, and quickly entered the ‘arcade’ part of the shop in the back room.

Things I didn’t realize upon entering this porn shop:

  1. It is not a gay porn shop!
  2. There are lots and lots and lots of boobs. They’ve got women, men, objects of every kind attached to boobs. There are a lot of DVD and magazine offerings of boobs at the very front.
  3. There is a discount sex toy rack. If you are looking for a cheap dildos or fleshlight equivalents for under $10, look at the rack.
  4. It is surprisingly clean and well-maintained.
  5. The ‘arcade’, which is thoroughly advertised in front, is in the back room. I saw a lot of guys buzzing around there on an early Monday afternoon. There may be a golden pot of glory holes back there, but this is only speculation, for now.

X Spot, formally known as Le Sex Shoppe, as shown in the 1970s Charles Bukowski days.

Useful:Funny:Cool: 2

4/9/2013

 

Posted by Chris Girard in Yelp
Chris G’s Best Yelp Reviews: Doomies Home Cookin’ – 5/5 Stars

Chris G’s Best Yelp Reviews: Doomies Home Cookin’ – 5/5 Stars

Doomie’s Home Cookin’
$$ American (Traditional), Bakeries
1253 Vine St
Los Angeles, CA 90038

My partner and I were trying to remember the names of vegan restaurants we’ve been to a long time ago. And it’s tough! I usually remember vegan restaurants based on their location, cross streets or locale and less the food.

Trying to remember a vegan restaurant based on the food a challenge because every vegan restaurant serves the same kind of healthy fare. No matter how delicious it is, it is usually 75% similar to another place. Real Food Daily and Native Foods might be a little different, not really: quinoa salad versus quinoa burger versus quinoa with kale. I cannot describe the difference between the two based on quinoa, so RFD is always the vegan place near the Beverly Center and Native Foods is the larger vegan chain. And then there’s Veggie Grill, quinoa this, quinoa that. And the million Thai vegan places. Would you like tofu, soy chicken, soy beef or vegetables with your bastardized thai dish?

NOW DOOMIES, Fuckin’ Doomies. This bunny’s nest is in its own realm. It is the NOT HEALTHY vegan restaurant. So if someone were describing the vegan restaurant with the fried chicken and lump of mashed potatoes and buttery corn.

“Oh! You’ve been to Doomies.”

No need to describe the dim and outdated shopping center it’s located in or it being close to Fountain and Vine. It is different enough to not need any of that.

Southern fried food, burgers, ‘secret menu’ burgers and the ellipses goes on and on. While the Big Mac is heavy and will probably last some people a day (come hungry), the fried chicken is incredible. To the chagrin of people who find this disgusting, it has its own soy layer of skin that’s fried. You dissect this thing and eat it to the bone, like a piece of regular chicken.

I remember coming here. Unfortunately, I remember coming here not enough. I’ll come back soon!

Useful: 10  Funny:Cool: 5

4/8/2014

Posted by Chris Girard in Yelp
Chris G’s Best Yelp Reviews: Bliss Art House – 2/5 Stars

Chris G’s Best Yelp Reviews: Bliss Art House – 2/5 Stars

Bliss Art House Cafe – CLOSED
$ Creperies, Juice Bars & Smoothies, Cafes
1249 Vine St
Los Angeles, CA 90038

Bliss Art House Cafe is, in one word, grim.

The cafe located is located at the front of Villa Elaine apartments, which in itself is one of the last bastions of amazing and historically important artist communities in Hollywood.

These apartment buildings are incredibly beautiful and full of history. Artists keep up the gardening and upkeep of Villa Elaine (in the courtyard behind the coffee shop). Walking through the apartment courtyard (if the front gate is not locked), you see sculptures, amazing gardens and murals. It is truly the last remnants of a bohemian Silver Lake or Echo Park in Hollywood. The abstract and dadaist photographer Man Ray most famously lived in this building in the 1940s.

And then once you exit the gate and there is this lonely troll of a cafe, with its dim and almost worn up facade.

The cafe is truly dark. The furniture is oversized and takes up the entire space. The people here look like that not only they come here to suffer but are invited to join in on the suffering. Like if I ever just found out I got a terminal illness, the mood of this cafe is exactly what I’d want to surround myself in.

This place smells like history is in the front seat and the coffee tastes like it too.

Useful:Funny: 10  Cool: 5

1/5/2014

Posted by Chris Girard in Yelp
Chris G’s Best Yelp Reviews: The Getty Villa – 3/5 Stars

Chris G’s Best Yelp Reviews: The Getty Villa – 3/5 Stars

The Getty Villa
Botanical Gardens, Art Museums
17985 Pacific Coast Hwy
Pacific Palisades, CA 90272

These turkeys really, really want you to DRIVE here.

No, this turkey is not driving. This turkey took the two-hour number 2 Sunset bus from Sunset and Western all the way over here, to Sunset and Pacific Coast Highway. Be sure you take the Sunset bus that says P.C.H. and not to U.C.L.A./Westwood. Be sleepy, as the bus ride is long but only costs $1.50. Also be sure to give yourself a lot of room to get here when you book your reservation and print out your ticket. I left at 1:30 p.m. for my 4 p.m. ticket.

Once I got there, I walked about 1/3 of a mile from the end of Sunset and Pacific Coast Highway to the pearly gates of The Getty Villa. Tip: Get your feet sandy, rather than run over. If walking to The Getty Villa from Sunset, be sure to walk along the beach and not along the east side of the highway. The sidewalk abruptly ends and becomes all Pacific Coast Highway with fast-moving cars, which is dangerous to navigate. Great city planning, LA. There are a lot of ruins in this region due to the mudslides. Be ready to traverse around jagged concrete slabs that jut towards the ocean and stop.

When you reach The Getty Villa, there is a restricted staircase and next to it, a long driveway with a security guard ready to check your ticket stub. If you didn’t drive, you have to cross the street three times to get across. You need to cross Pacific Coast Highway along the pedestrian walkway that yields to pedestrians once every 10 minutes. Then you have to cross the driveway after all of the cars that are forced to park in the Getty Villa cross it. Add another 5 minutes. You have to cross into an open gated area and an empty driveway and up the driveway to talk to the security guard. It takes a minute to figure out where you’re going. It states in the front entrance to be prepared to show a receipt of bus fare to ‘prove’ that you didn’t park along the coast.

It took about three minutes to convince the guard that I didn’t somehow park my car along the coast and avoid the $15 parking fee. He said he saw me coming from the southern side and it obviously appeared that I parked there. I said I didn’t. He said prove it. So I needed to somehow ‘prove’ that I didn’t drive to The Getty Villa. Since I didn’t even expect to have to get a receipt from my bus driver (I paid cash), I told him I used a TAP card and showed him that. He then asked about the bus I used and why I didn’t use some other bus that drops people off closer. (Sunset was more direct and I didn’t want to pay another $1.50 to transfer). I explained to him that I lived in Hollywood, showed him my ID and explained the proximity of Hollywood Blvd. to Sunset Blvd., hence taking the Sunset bus. He conceded, since he couldn’t really prove that I parked on the coast for free. Although there was a button to call a van to pick you up, the guard insisted that I wait and I don’t call it.

About ten minutes later, the van came. It took me up to the top. From there is another clusterfuck of weird navigation. You need to take an elevator to an empty hallway that leads to a stairwell that leads to the museum. After one hour of seeing ancient artifacts from civilizations that have been in existence for thousands of years and had time to make a lot of statues, plates and trinkets, I was satisfied and left. The docents are knowledgeable and can answer questions. I read on Wikipedia about one of their directors or trustees having some type of sketchy relationship with acquiring museum objects on the black market, but got caught and had to give back millions of dollars worth of stuff to the respective countries. Sadly, that bit of history about this museum interested me more than the work that was displayed here.

Okay heading back down SHOULD have been easier. But the van that picked us up and drove back down, instead of sensibly using the driveway to drop people off at the bottom, decided to take a long, meandering scenic route from an adjacent and empty private road to Sunset Blvd. This drive took about 15 minutes. They’ve got a ton of unused land surrounding this tiny museum and apparently it’s all made for driving to and from it. We basically passed my bus stop from Sunset Blvd. and then got stuck in traffic after turning right on Pacific Coast Highway. Sadly, I hope they realize that walking and alternative methods of transportation are slowly beginning to triumph car culture in Los Angeles.

All in all, a nice museum in a horrific psycho-geographical layout. It is definitely worth it, for a one time visit.

Useful:Funny:Cool: 3

9/6/2014

Posted by Chris Girard in Yelp
Chris G’s Best Yelp Reviews: Graffiti Sublime Coffee – 3/5 Stars

Chris G’s Best Yelp Reviews: Graffiti Sublime Coffee – 3/5 Stars

Graffiti Sublime Coffee – CLOSED
$$ Coffee & Tea, American (New)
180 S La Brea Ave
Los Angeles, CA 90036

When I first entered this place, it was very white, postmodern and musty.

An awful up-beat jazz saxophone solo blasts in the background, which jars the kind of sedate people sitting on laptops kind of atmosphere; and the baristas, especially the male, were nice to me. He waved as I left! Iced tea is the cheapest drink at $4. The wifi passcode was jeSSIca lAnge or someone with a celEbRIty’s name. PtUi pTuI!

In general, it was such a jarring place that my visceral reaction kicked in an endorphin rush like successful conceptual artwork. I was looking at edgy pop art across the street, and the feeling could be best described when I saw a painting of Queen Elizabeth portrait from British £ and her face was painted with rouge, lipstick, light blue eyeshadow and blonde hair. The Queen looked like a transvestite Marilyn Monroe screen print by Warhol.

Despite how weird this place is, I didn’t hate it. I stayed well after my wifi expired, which is probably against the rules. (Note: European-style coffee shop rules, no extras, no appeasement to breaking them.) I totally saw someone ‘sneak’ into the coffee shop by jumping the tiny black gate through the patio in front to meet his friend and not pay for a mandatory drink first. I didn’t stay long enough to see if he was tortured and beheaded.

The iced tea was good. The patio, where the loud saxo-mo-phone playing wasn’t playing, was attractive.

Useful:Funny: 11  Cool: 2

4/16/2015

Posted by Chris Girard in Yelp
Chris G’s Best Yelp Reviews: 99 Cents Only Store – 4/5 Stars

Chris G’s Best Yelp Reviews: 99 Cents Only Store – 4/5 Stars

99 Cents Only Stores
$ Discount Store, Party Supplies
5270 Sunset Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90027

Free condoms are the bane of the well-endowed.

Free condoms are always small and never large.

Free condoms are well-intentioned but funky.

Free condoms generally suck.

My search for the inexpensive large condom has ended at the 99¢ store. Seriously, large condoms are usually $8+ at Rite Aid or CVS. You can get Lifestyles Kyng condoms in the same shiny wrapper that more expensive Magnums come in at a fraction of the price. Big dicked sluts like me have a reason to celebrate!

For the $8 I would have spent at the drug store, I also got:

99¢ mouthwash
99¢ nasal spray
99¢ ibuprofen
99¢ dish soap
99¢ chocolate-covered graham crackers
99¢ picture frame

Bicycle parking in front!

Useful: 3  Funny: 12  Cool: 1

2/5/2013

Posted by Chris Girard in Yelp